sad

For the past several months, I have not been well, both physically and emotionally. That alone would make life difficult enough, but my doll alter-ego (which brings me a great deal of stress relief) is frustrated too.

It's hard to be a rubber doll without a budget. Looking good in latex is really expensive! Many rubber dolls I know of have resorted to selling video clips of themselves - or have created whole pay-to-view web sites to help defray the high cost of custom rubber garments, fancy prosthetics, masks, shoes, wigs, and so on.

Sadly, even if I had the time and equipment to make similar attempts, I do not have the varied outfits nor even a complete doll "look" yet. I still don't have a doll mask.

My only pair of heels died recently. They were fairly cheap to buy and very cheaply made (in China), but that doesn't make it any easier to do without.

Most of my remaining rubber wardrobe needs repair or replacement.

So right now, there isn't enough stuff to create me. I'm stuck in limbo as an unrealized idea in my dollmaker's head.

There is an old saying that it's easier to make money if you already have money. We are not poor, we can pay our bills, but that's about it - there is no extra money for luxuries like toys and clothing to feed sexual kinks and perversions.

To sum up, there is very little happening in the way of dolling in my life right now, and it looks like it will stay that way for a long time.

So don't expect many more updates to this blog during 2010. It may seem as if I have abandoned this blog, but I hope to post again when I come to life again. Until then, I'll have to remain an unrealized dream...