idjits

Recently I received yet another vitriolic, semi-coherent rant message, this time from a Flickr member. Apparently, they had added me as a friend or contact some time ago, and had grown impatient waiting for me to reciprocate. Well boo-hoo honey, I have a life outside of the internet, and sometimes that life takes precedence.

Interesting thing about these net-crazies who somehow get it into their heads that total strangers actually OWE them something, or that the Apollo moon landings were faked, or that President Obama is a crypto-muslim. Before the web came along, one didn't run into such folks very often. But now it seems that every paranoid schizophrenic with a talking toaster has internet access, and therefore a voice and a platform from which to shout with it. Bleh.

Unfortunately, I haven't much positive or fetishy to talk about this time. My mundane life hasn't been very fun lately. I'm still trying to talk my partner into taking portraits of me while I'm dressed up. I haven't any new clothes, but I have a pile of torn rubber.

A few weekends ago, I threw out all of the old latex that I thought was unlikely to be repairable. It was a depressing amount of weight. I've had a pile of latex needing repairs lying around for some time, but for some reason I haven't been able to make myself sit down and do it. One thing that will make it a pain in the butt is that it all has silicone on it, which means I have to clean the rubber with solvent over and over and over again to get the silicone off so the glue will work. Nothing like gassing yourself with heptane fumes. I need to get one of those painter's filter gas mask things.

in absentia

I have a very good excuse for not having posted in a while: I thought this blog had been deleted! I tried to log in, and Google told me there was no such blog or account. I was highly annoyed.

But then just as mysteriously, it reappeared (I am not sure when, I just thought to check it one last time this morning).

So here I am again, talking to myself...

Lately I have developed a fascination with medical compression garments. I have almost a full body covering now, although the gloves I have are not very tight. The other garments ARE nice and tight though, and unlike latex, they breathe. On the other hand, they don't create that lovely tugging / contained / second skin feeling that rubber provides. I have the gloves (shoulder length!) a torso garment that covers the body from shoulders down to the knees, and a pair of anti-embolism stockings, sadly in white, not "nude" or "tan", but I'm going to get more. Since one of the looks I am interested in achieving is the anonymous, zentai "mannequin" look, nude or tan spandex is a perfect outer layer when I am dressing that way.

I'm fantasizing about obtaining some tighter gloves, and stockings in a color matching the long-line panty-girdle-suit I have, and sewing them together into a catsuit. There are full-head masks available too, although I have not been able to afford the price of one yet. Such is life when you deliver pizza for a living. :(

Anyhow, these garments can be very tight, yet still flexible and easy to move in. And most of them come in some variation of "nude" or "flesh tone".

Imagine wearing a M2M full body catsuit of tight latex, hoods, gloves, stockings or toe socks, the works -- and then adding a full body catsuit of "tan" super-heavy-duty spandex over it for extra compression!

Mmmm....

Perhaps some day.

I am modifying my ballet boots to have slightly shorter heels. Although I admit my ankles and shin tendons or muscles do need some stretching still, the tilts of the soles is still too far
forward. I am not much of a cobbler, and I wish I had more tools available to me, or a workshop. I'm not ready to take these in to a shoe repair shop and ask them to do the work!

Ballet boots

I bought a pair of rather nice leather ballet boots recently... by accident.

They were on eBay, and I had put the auction into my esnipe queue. But after I received a different pair of boots made by the same company that didn't fit (I was able to exchange those) I feared these would not fit either.

So I decided to cancel the snipe order. Except that I got busy with something else and forgot.

As it turns out, the boots fit pretty well, and after trying them on only twice, I am already confident that I will not only be able to stand in them (after my gel toe pads arrive) but probably even walk in them for short distances.

This company's ballet boots seem to be designed more for looks and/or punishment than for standing or walking, because the shaft of the ankles isn't in a straight line with the instep and toe. And it seems THAT is because the heels are a tiny bit too long. I might be able to do something about that, we'll see.

It would be hilarious to take them in to a shoe repair shopand ask them to shorten the heels by half an inch and then put new tips on.

Ocular occlusion

Well my friends and fellow pervs, I have to admit that my recent purchases haven't been working out very well.

First I misread or misunderstood the size of a rather nice transparent latex hood. I guess I'll just put it back on eBay.

Second, I bought a pair of fairly promising pink vinyl boots (like Pleaser ie; cheap) but despite reading their size chart and advice carefully -- not to mention having bought this brand before and had it fit -- they didn't. I've asked the seller if I can exchange them, but haven't heard from them yet.

Next up, I bought what was supposedly a Tentacle brand latex leotard (a quite stunning - if somewhat dated - design seen in many fetish 'zines about a decade ago) but when it arrived, it turned out to be a cheap Chinese knock-off, as well as the wrong size. Hopefully I will be able to work out something with the seller.

I am still waitiing for my new zentai suit and for the inflatable cervical collar.

Finally, I accidentally bought a pair of ballet boots! How does one buy a pair of ballet boots by accident you say? Well, I had thought about buying them, and I even set up an auto-snipe for them, but later, I decided the other purchases were more important. I thought I had canceled the auto-snipe, but apparently I forgot. I sure hope they fit!

Other than the above my life has been pretty boring lately.

Nifty new things on the way

It's been a while, hasn't it? I know my faithful readers (hah!) have been gagging for another post. I DO have faithful readers, don't I? Hello? Faithful readers? Anyone?

Oh well.

As I was saying, it's been a while, mostly because I haven't had much opportunity for getting dolled up, and partly because I still haven't much to wear. Most of my latex garments need repairs of one sort or another, and the rest of real mundane life has kept my free time to a minimum, and when I have had free time, either it's been consumed by other priorities, or I've just felt too tired and unambitious to set up everything (such as a table) needed to do those latex repairs.

However! I do have some good news now, which is why I'm writing this post. I allowed myself to go a little nuts on eBay during the past month, and I've ordered myself a number of interesting garments and devices, including a nice custom latex garment from Tentacle Rubber (are they even still around?) which just happened to be my size, and cheap into the bargain; a full-body stretch velvet zentai suit; a heavy weight, semi-transparent (natural, amber) lace-up rubber hood; and an inflatable cervical collar.

That latter gizmo will probably never look sexy - unless you're into bondage devices and clothing, but even then, I don't think it looks sexy the way some of those fancy boned rubber posture collars do. But I can't afford one of those.

So for the low price, this seemed like a fun and comfortable form of posture collar / head immobilization gadget to try out.

None of this stuff has shown up in my mailbox yet. I'm waiting for it with the eagerness of a child who is a week from Christmas Day.

a trickle of fun, and dreams may come

My apologies to my host of adoring fans (heh) for not having posted anything for a while. (Get used to my saying that, I'm sure I will be saying it a lot over the coming years). I have good excuses, but you don't care about those.

I haven't had real money available for fetish or doll purchases lately, and I still have a lot of clothes that need repair, although I work on them when I am able. Some garments aren't worth putting much time into because of their age or the degree of damage. Some of them will simply take extra time, and some are already in the trash as un-recover-able.

Oh, I do dress up from time to time because it makes me happy, but the result is seldom photogenic, so I haven't taken many pictures. I'm still hoping to talk my partner into photographing me more. Photography seems to be something she wants to do more of, but I think that taking portraits, of any sort (kinky or not) is something she isn't comfortable with yet.

Meanwhile, I did finally spend a little money on some new doll underclothes for moi:


The first item is a pair of the Exsil brand silicone "explant" (as opposed to 'implant', I guess) panties, which include silicone gel pads for hips and bum.

I already had a pair of padded panties of the cheaper, foam rubber sort, but foam crushes easily under skintight clothing, and then you don't have padded hips or butt any more. Silicone pads don't crush flat.

By pure chance - I wasn't even looking for them - I happened to find a pair the right size - unworn in the original packaging with tags and all - on eBay for a price much lower than they usually sell for new. So I splurged. I guess sometimes God(dess) does smile on me. The pads don't look very impressive compared to the foam hip-n-fanny padder I already had, but they sure do work differently under smoothing spandex or rubber garments! Wow! Curves! I have even found that I don't really need the panties. They seem just a tiny bit too large for me, although the pads are about right for my big frame. I have worn these pads successfully with several different foundation garments. I'm also looking into the possibility of a temporary skin glue solution, such as is often used to hold mastectomy prosthetics in place.

The other thing I found on eBay, as a result of the first find, was something I did not know existed, and which made my heart leap when I saw it - a full body post-surgery compression garment!

For years I have seen anti-embolism leg compression stockings (and I bought a pair of those too recently) in drug stores and catalogs, but never a whole suit. If I haven't made it clear in these pages by now, I ADORE tight, compressive clothing, so long as it doesn't bind or wrinkle in the joints (which pinches and is uncomfortable).

This new suit includes a compression bra-top with sleeves, tight sleeves, underarm vents, and a full catsuit from knees to ribcage, all in heavy duty powernet.

I'm expecting both of these items to arrive in the next week.

Third, I was thrilled to find a maker of boots and gloves, based out of Hong Kong, who appears to be a kinky, cross-dressing boot and shoe lover with connections to a cheap custom clothing shop. It's hard to believe he is making all of the items himself, but he ships a lot of stuff, and everyone I have found who has done business with him has been very pleased. He makes off-the-peg or custom items. I could get a pair of very nicely made ballet-toe boots, custom made to fit me, for a little over $100. That's in pleather. If I wanted real leather, it would only be a bit more.

You can find this company here. He sells a lot of stuff on eBay too.

Another recent discovery which is a big thrill for me is the existence of "Darlex" - a material made by sandwiching a layer of thin latex between two layers of 4-way stretch spandex - and a company that makes sleep sacks and bondage garments from it! Check 'em out here. I hope to be able to order something from them in the coming year.

And finally, another eBay discovery was a mock-turtleneck blouse which is actually a tight body shaper, made from medium-weight spandex microfiber mesh. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure I want one. The pictures look all right.

Next up, I have ordered one of the infamously cheap zentai suits from a Chinese maker, as well as an inflatable cervical traction device designed to hold the head upright without compressing the sides of the neck. (I'm not into breath control or constricted blood flow) I have wanted a posture collar for some time, but couldn't afford one. It will look quite silly, but it should be wonderfully restrictive.

I have also found leather craftsmen in Poland, Hong Kong, and even Florida (all with good reputations among their customers) that make very nice real leather bondage and fetish clothes for ridiculously low prices. I'm looking at getting a leather posture collar and maybe a pair of ballet boots very soon.

alternatives to getting dolled up

I've been thinking a bit lately, while I wait for my old rubber to magically heal itself and my income to magically increase enough to afford new garments.

I've been thinking about what it is to be a TV, even a specialized one like me. I've been thinking about all the things which make wearing latex (or sometimes just spandex), clothes, shoes, etc.

I like smooth skin, and my dollmaker is a hairy guy. So I've resumed pursuing an old dream of mine, to get and remain hairless from the neck down.

Oh sure, I shave my legs routinely, and I have shaved all over my body many times, but it can be a hassle too. I've learned at least somewhat how to deal with ingrown hairs, which I seem to get easily, but I've also learned to my delight that my skin actually tolerates depilatories better than it tolerates a razor blade.

So now I'm using depilatories. However, you can't use them too often on the same bit of skin without eventually developing problems, so I'm adopting a round-robin schedule of depilating some major portion of my body each week, but not all of it.

Currently, my arms are overdo.

I've also had to deal with a minor problem with the bathroom facilities in our home which made it difficult for a while to do my depilating routine.

But anyway, this is something I can do that makes my body feel nice, that doesn't require fetish clothes. Really, the only reason I'm doing it is because bare skin seems so much more sensitive than hairy skin, and spandex or latex sliding around on that bare skin feels ever so much nicer than without being hairless.

I am going to try to get some repairs done on at least one latex garment this weekend. It's one I've repaired before more than once, but too expensive for me to replace right now. So I keep patching it together.

I've also started gaining weight around my middle again, which is depressing. I know why I'm getting thicker there, I'm just not sure how to go about solving it. It's easy for some random stranger who is unfamiliar with some of my health problem to say "well, just eat less and exercise more!"

Sorry, it's not that simple for me, but at least I am not overweight. This is just a little padding in exactly the wrong place - a place where I want to be tiny: my waist! Corsets are lovely, but the smaller your waist is to begin with, the smaller you can lace down. And with my office job, I can't exactly waist-train every day! Besides, I don't have either the willpower or the money to do proper waist-training even if I were able.

Well, every post here lately seems to be me complaining about something, so I will try to have something more positive to announce next time, even if it is a little thing.

sad

For the past several months, I have not been well, both physically and emotionally. That alone would make life difficult enough, but my doll alter-ego (which brings me a great deal of stress relief) is frustrated too.

It's hard to be a rubber doll without a budget. Looking good in latex is really expensive! Many rubber dolls I know of have resorted to selling video clips of themselves - or have created whole pay-to-view web sites to help defray the high cost of custom rubber garments, fancy prosthetics, masks, shoes, wigs, and so on.

Sadly, even if I had the time and equipment to make similar attempts, I do not have the varied outfits nor even a complete doll "look" yet. I still don't have a doll mask.

My only pair of heels died recently. They were fairly cheap to buy and very cheaply made (in China), but that doesn't make it any easier to do without.

Most of my remaining rubber wardrobe needs repair or replacement.

So right now, there isn't enough stuff to create me. I'm stuck in limbo as an unrealized idea in my dollmaker's head.

There is an old saying that it's easier to make money if you already have money. We are not poor, we can pay our bills, but that's about it - there is no extra money for luxuries like toys and clothing to feed sexual kinks and perversions.

To sum up, there is very little happening in the way of dolling in my life right now, and it looks like it will stay that way for a long time.

So don't expect many more updates to this blog during 2010. It may seem as if I have abandoned this blog, but I hope to post again when I come to life again. Until then, I'll have to remain an unrealized dream...